Old blogs...

and even though we never actually dated, you broke my heart. most people say i feel in love with our friendship or at least that's how the saying goes. well, i didn't fall in love with our friendship, i fell in love with you. your all i can think about. trust me i didn't plan it this way. i didn't want to fall in love with you because i know we are only friends, and i knew that's all we would ever be. i knew that i would end up getting hurt either way, but still, i tried. i could tell you didn't want to try. so i gave up. or at least i tried to. but its hard when you love someone and they don't love you back. you have a feeling of loneliness, of feeling like you don't belong. and all you want to know is that someone out there loves you as much as you love them. you wait around thinking that he will come, any minute now.....and......nothing.and you end up waiting for someone who is never coming. you know it too. you just don't want to face the loneliness. but the truth it, sometimes its good to face the loneliness. to face your fears, and who knows, maybe someone else out there is lonely. someone who likes you.


and you think, after all you did, i'd take you back?? if only you knew. if only you knew what you have done to me. you have ruined me. my heart and my soul. you cant have them back. this is not how its supposed to go. you appologize, then leave. why are you still here!? your hurting me with ever step you take closer to me. i cant take it. your killing me. eating me alive. your like this leach and i cant fight you off. your every where i go. i cant stand what you are doing to me. i tred to walk but i fell...i couldnt feel the ground underneath my feet, a gust of wind struck me in the face. i started to cry. i can hear you....laughing? help me out of this black hole that i have slipped into. there is walls all everywhere. surrounding me. where do i go? what do i do? somebody please help! i cant take it.....i just cant. i need someone to help me....someone to tell me i'll be alright. someone to save me from this...this thing. i cant even think. theres so much going on. whats happening?! what happening to me?! am i.....am i going to make it? will i be okay? only now its...its starting to get sunny, i can feel the warmth on my skin. the summer breeze that i have waited for. i can see you in the distance....smiling at me...and now i want to take you back. i reach for you but suddenly, i hear a loud buzzing noise.....what could it be? i open my eyes to the bright sun shining into my room....my alarm clock. it was all a dream. i lay in bed thinking, and then it was time for breakfast. i move my legs around my bed and stand, except, i wasnt standing. i was falling....in what seemed to be....a black hole. i was crying and you were laughing.